Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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