after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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