Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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