I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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