True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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