Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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