I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
