She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
