He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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