I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
