Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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