and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
