There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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