So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
