I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
