so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
