my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
