I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
