See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
