Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
