Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
