I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
