I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
