You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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