maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
