Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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