You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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