Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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