There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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