They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
