I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
