We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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