dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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