Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
