I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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