I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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