did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
