I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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