Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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