so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
