If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
