Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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