even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it glows. i had to have it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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