i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
