Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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