I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
