the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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