she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
