Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
