I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
