i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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