i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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