just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
