I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
false alarm, still single
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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