I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
