Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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