My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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