why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
