I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
